Operation: FRUIT
by Kaijen Koa
Summary: When the KND find out that their leader might be gay, they deal with it as best as they can.


The following fanfic is dedicated to all the cast and crew of Codename: Kids Next Door!

Operation: F.R.U.I.T.

Friend  
Really  
Usually  
Indicates  
Testosterone

            It was a bright sunny morning in the KND treehouse.  Numbuh 2 was off picking his nose, Numbuh 3 was jumping down the halls, Numbuh 4 was shadow boxing, and Numuh 5 was locked in her room so that no one would see her reading 'Sirens', her new favorite book, and the dorky reading glasses she kept hidden from the world.  She stretched her legs and put down the book, fanning herself with her hand.

            "Dat's one hot book right there," she mumbled, "MAN, where the hell's Numbuh 1 at?  We was sposed to leave for the Delightful such and such's house over an hour ago."

            In a bit of a huff, she put down her book and glasses and went to the door.  Upon opening it, Numbuh 2 fell in, having been leaning ear-first on it the whole time.

            "......What were you doin'?"

            "Uhhhhh..... picking my nose?" said Numbuh 2, worried.

            ".....Wow, that's such a load of bullshit yo eyes are turning brown."

            "I love it when you talk dirty to me," said Numbuh 2.

            "Get yo fat ass outta here," said Numbuh 5, giving him the evil eye.

            "Yes Ma'am!" yelped Numbuh 2, springing to his feet and dashing out of the room.

            "Mothuh fuckin' sonofajackass probably wanna raid my panties again..." muttered Numbuh 5, heading out the door.

            Numbuh 3 and Numbuh 4 were sitting on the couch.

            "So, I was thinking maybe you and me could go get some sodas togetha or somethin'."

            "How come you always talk to me like this when no one else is around?" asked Numbuh 3.

            "Easy, I wouldn't want any of those guys to know that I l"

            "Hey, y'all, have you guys seen," said Numbuh 5, interrupting.

            "loath girls!!" said Numbuh 4, suddenly shoving Numbuh 3 away.

            "Oof!  Hey!" she cried.

            "You two need to get a room.  Anyway, have any of you seen Numbuh 1?" asked 5.

            "I'll go find 'im.  He's probably off re-working our attack plan," said Numbuh 4, leaping away, "And watch what you say about us gettin' a room!"

            "Why would we want to get a room, Numbuh 5?" asked 3.

            "Uhhh... so you could share stuffed animals," she lied.

            "Ooooooh, that'd be fun!!"

            "Speaking of fun," said Numbuh 2, snaking his arm around Numbuh 5, "I thought maybe you, me, and Numbuh 3 could go have a little private time up in my hanger and.."

            "You wanna keep that arm attached, you gonna move it, yo."

            "..I'm just gonna step over here, kay?" he said, nervously moving away.

            "Yeh, you do dat."

            After a few moments, Numbuh 4 came back to the group with his face white as a ghost.

            "What happened to you?" asked Numbuh 2.

            "N..N..Numbuh 1.. he.. I...... he.." muttered Numbuh 4.

            "Uh ohhhhh.. Numbuh 4's going to cry," said Numbuh 3.

            "I am not!!  It's just that... Numbuh 1 she, I mean HE!!  HE!!!"

            The other KND looked at each other, confused.

            "Numbuh 4, what on earth is wrong with you?!" shouted Numbuh 1, approaching the group.

            Everyone's eyes bugged open.  Numbuh 3 started to giggle, Numbuh 2 tried not to stare directly, and Numbuh 4 started turning pale again.

            "Numbuh 5, what is wrong with the team??" asked Numbuh 1.

            "Y'all got lipstick on yo face, foo," said Numbuh 5, bluntly.

            "Oh my!!" shouted Numbuh 1, quickly wiping it off.

            "You're a girl!  You're a girl!  You're a girl!" said Numbuh 3, thinking it was some form of charades.

            "Well… uhhhhh, you see, well, you know, Lizzie started to get a little.. um... personal with me and.. well, that's where I was all this time... heheheheheheh," said Numbuh 1, thinking up a lame story as fast as he could.

            "I can't let them know why I REALLY had that lipstick on!" he thought to himself.

            "You mean you were off makin' kissy-face with Lizzie this whole time??" asked Numbuh 4.

            "Righty oh!  Well... I think I'm gonna head back and.. um.. come up with some more brilliant plans.. toodles!" he said, dashing off.

            "........Toodles???" everyone said, simultaneously.

            "Hey guys...," said Numbuh 4, "I... I think Numbuh 1's flapping the yang bang boozle."

            "Huh?" said Numbuh 2.

            "You know, he's kicking around a couple a kiwis!" said Numbuh 4.

            "Say wha?" said 5.

            "He likes it down unda'!"

            "I like bees!" said Numbuh 3, "Buzzzzz!"

            "Oh, for crying out loud, I think he's a flippin' fruit!"

            "Ohhhhh," said everyone at once.

            "Bees like fruits too!" said Numbuh 3, happily.

            After an uncomfortable silence at Numbuh 3's 'breeziness' Numbuh 4 spoke up.           

            "This sure is weird, isn't it?" said Numbuh 2.

            Everyone nodded in agreement.

            "But then again.. I think it shoulda been a bit more obvious.  I mean, you see how he gets whenever he's being sarcastic.  The way he flails his arms around and bats his eyes and stuff..."

            "Yeah, ain't that the truth.  Strange thing is, I always thought YOU were the gay one," said 4 pointing at 2.

            "Hey!!  I am NOT!" he shouted, "You're the dumb one,"

            "Hey!!"

            "she's the cool one,"

            "Got dat right," said Numbuh 5.

            "she's the crazy one,"

            "Bee doesn't like you, Numbuh 2!" said Numbuh 3, upset.

            "And I'm the handsome, witty one."

            "Pbft!" said Numbuh 5, "You duh fat ass."

            "Hey!!"

            "Listen, maybe one of us should talk to Numbuh 1.  See how he's feelin', right?" asked Numbuh 5.

            "I'm down wit dat, my sistah!" said Numbuh 2.

            "........Just go."

            "I'll do that," he said, leaving for Numbuh 1's room.

            Over in Numbuh 1's room, the whole room was dark except for one monitor.   

            "Oh yeah, that's it.  Just what I like," said Numbuh 1, making some sort of odd, rubbing noise.

            "Hey, Numbuh 1?" asked Numbuh 2.

            "Eeek!!!" Numbuh 1 shouted all girly-like.

            He quickly switched the screen to a picture of a bunch of soldiers from some action video game.

            "Don't turn on that light!!!"

            "W..why not?  What were you doing?" asked Numbuh 2.

            "None of your business!!  Go away!!"

            Numbuh 2 glanced at the screen and saw the image of a buff guy in tight armor gear up on the screen.

            "Uhhh... right, sorry!" he said, bolting from the room.     

            As soon as he was gone, Numbuh 1 switched the screen back to the pretty dress he was looking at on the screen.

            "Yes, this one is PERFECT!" he said, continuing to rub his hands together.

            Numbuh 2 came back to the crew.

            "Uhhh..... guys?  Numbuh 1 was... uhhh...... um......"

            "What's the matta Numbuh 2?" asked Numbuh 4.

            "He was in there.. looking at pictures of buff guys.. in the dark.. and .. uh.. rubbing something....."

            "You mean he was in there playing with Mr. Dickery Doo and the two slippery salamanders while watching a couple of machinkos do the two-tongued tango??"

            Everyone gave the "O.o" face at Numbuh 4.

            "Is that really Australian or are you just makin' this shit up?" asked Numbuh 5.

            "..I don't know actually.  I left Australia when I was 1."

            "Look, this isn't getting us anywhere," said Numbuh 2, "I mean.. maybe we should try to be supportive of Numbuh 1's choice and not freak out about it."

            "Yeah, we'll leave that to his parents," said Numbuh 5.  

            The KND all went to Numbuh 1's room.  Before they could knock, he opened the door and came out to them.

            "Uhh.. guys?  What is it?" he asked, bewildered.

            "Look, Numbuh 1, if you want to be a dolly wagging weavel nymph and smell the bejangles with the dool-steppers, we understand," said Numbuh 4.

            "..Pardon?"

            "What he's saying is.. if you feel like you want to be attracted to things that most guys aren't.. well, that's okay with us," said Numbuh 2.

            "What are you talking about, Numbuh 2?"

            "Chickens are such funny birds!  They can't fly but they have wings!  I like wings!" said Numbuh 3.

            "Well.. that's lovely," said Numbuh 1, more confused than ever.

            "Look, Numbuh 1, if you a fag, it's coo with us."

            "What???" exclaimed Numbuh 1, "I'm not gay!!"

            "Really??" asked everyone.

            "Of course not!" he shouted, "I'm just buying these things to give to my mommy on her birthday!! ... Oops."

            "You're giving gifts to an ADULT??!!!" everyone shouted.

            "That is SOOO groooosss!" said Numbuh 2, leaving.

            "What the heck, man??" exclaimed Numbuh 5, leaving as well.

            "You're an icky head, Numbuh 1!" said Numbuh 3, grossed out as she walked away.

            "...So you're not jumping loops with the wiggy wacks or poppin' the socks offa Mrs. Dimdilly Dingo?" said Numbuh 4.

            "..No," said Numbuh 1.

            "Then you, sir, disgust me," said 4, leaving in a huff.       

            Everyone had left Numbuh 1 standing in place.

            "......Well.. at least they don't know I'm really black.  Peace out, my brothah!  Trah hah hah hah!"

            THE END!!

By Kaijen Koa


End file.
